Weddings, Qatari Style

Recently, I was fortunate enough to be invited to a Qatari wedding by my colleague Ameena. Weddings here are done just a little bit differently from the states. When a person receives a wedding invitation, it is has a number of personal invitations included for the friend/family member to hand out to friends. Now, it’s very important to remember that male and female guests do not have the same experience during a wedding. The female wedding reception is a completely different event from the male reception. The wedding ceremony itself actually takes place at the courthouse and is called the “engagement” and happens anywhere from a few weeks to a year before the wedding parties. The man and woman could live as husband and wife (technically) after the court house ceremony, but it would not be acceptable in this culture until they have their formal wedding parties.

The male reception is pretty much a bunch of guys out in an expanse of desert (usually near a major road) in a majliss that is set up (lots of easy chairs and places to smoke shisha) with a large space open in the middle. The men have sword dances and sometimes eat camel (so I’ve heard).

The ladies reception is a whole other story. They all take place in hotel ballrooms and they are completely run by ladies (the drink and food servers, the band, etc). This is done so ladies who want to remove their abayas (long black overcoat) and shaylas (head scarf) or neghabs (face veil) can do so for the party. When Kristin (a co-worker) and I arrived at the hotel, we had to give our personal invitation to the only man we saw at the place – the “bouncer”. We then had to go through a metal detector and they checked our purses to make sure we didn’t have any cell phones with cameras or any digital cameras. If you do, they take them from you and you have to pick them up after the reception. As we walked in the ballroom we saw that we were 2 of 5 or 6 white people there. That is a very interesting experience to have, especially when you consider we don’t even speak the language of the majority of the people there.
This ballroom was out of control. As you walked in there was a giant huppa-like structure covered in live flowers and vines and leaves. Just beyond that is a catwalk, just like at a fashion show that led to the front of the ballroom where there was a huge elaborate stage with live 30 foot trees, flowers, greenery, its own lighting system, etc. The ballroom had about 70 round tables that seated 10 people each. The catwalk also had seats along it that were reserved for family and close friends. The tables are elaborately decorated like at a western wedding, but they also included our own tea service, a tray of chocolates and pistachios. While there was seating for over 700 in this ballroom, at no point were all of the seats taken. I would guess there were about 500 ladies at this reception (and remember the men are having their own reception someplace else with almost as many people).

And then there were the dresses. Think Oscar Night formality with Video Music Awards scandal. The ladies who wear black abayas and shaylas/neghabs in public are wearing dresses cut down to THERE, with all the glitz of a Vegas show. Lots of rhinestones, bows, satin, fake gems, sequins, crystals, etc. And of course the makeup was flawless and THICK. Earrings were enormous, some hung so low they actually rested on the woman’s collarbones. Nothing Kristin and I could have worn or done with our hair or makeup would have been “too much”. We got there around 8:30PM and around 9PM the all female band begins singing in Arabic like we were at a rock concert. You could not hear yourself talk, but since this is when close family members get up on the catwalk, all you want to do is stare anyway. When the ladies get up on the catwalk, they dance their way up and down while other friends and family members come up and throw money at them. All of this money then goes to the band to thank them for their beautiful music. People can also come up to the band and give them money and they will sing a blessing for your family throughout the wedding. This entire time, hired ladies are serving tea, chocolates, savory hors d'oeuvres, freshly squeezed juices, Arabian sweets, etc. are walking around and offering you whatever you like. Around 9:45PM the music stops for a bit and we have the sound of chirping birds as the bride comes in. She is in a stunning gown (traditional white wedding dress) and looks like a 19 year old Eva Longoria.

Her veil is about 15 feet long, as is her dress. She has two Filipino assistants who fluff out her dress every time she takes a step or two. It takes her nearly a half hour to get to the front of the ball room because the whole way she is posing for pictures and being video taped by professionals. Just before she gets on stage, she turns around to face the “audience” and the band starts up singing again. At this point family and friends come up and shower money on her – this also goes to the band. People are literally throwing 20-30 pieces of paper money, which can be anywhere from 1 riyal to 500 riyals ($0.27 to $160 – I SWEAR I saw a 500 riyal note!).

She then goes up to the stage and sits there looking out at people for what felt like forever. The band is still going on, but only family and close friends go on the catwalk to dance. Around 10:30PM we suddenly start seeing ladies grabbing their abayas and shaylas and all of a sudden the groom and about 20 other men are walking up the catwalk. They move MUCH more quickly than the bride. The men are relatives of the bride and groom. The bride had a large black cloak thrown over her that completely covers her since some of the men are not blood relatives of hers. After a few minutes and some pictures, the men who are related to the groom leave and ladies who are family members of the bride begin to take their shaylas and abayas off. After some more pictures, the groom sits down next to the bride as they face the audience. The band is playing the entire time and the bride and groom just sit there not talking. I found out from one of the women we sat with that the bride and groom are first cousins. This is apparently common practice in this region. Since males and females do not intermingle like they do in other cultures, families want their daughters and sons to marry people they know. This isn’t all families, but it’s pretty common, which is also why they have some of the genetic blood diseases they have.

At some point the groom left. Around 11PM they announced that dinner was now open and we headed to the buffet that could have easily served 1000 people. It was the same food throughout, but there were close to 75 different food warmers filled with rice and whole lambs, and chunks of lamb and vegetables and hummus, etc. Close to 12AM the bride begins her long, slow journey back to the door down the catwalk. Since there are no men, ladies are fully revealed and there is lots of kissing of cheeks for the bride and relatives of the bride. We heard there was a private dinner for the bride and groom up in the hotel later.

This wedding was on a Sunday night, so by midnight we were pretty beat (since we had worked that day and had work the next day), but our colleague who invited us said she stayed until about 1 AM and her mom stayed until close to 3 AM. While the wedding was interesting, I wouldn’t have classified it as “fun”. There was no dancing by large groups of people, you could barely hear yourself talk over the music (which you couldn’t understand anyway) and it was 100% alcohol free. With all of the food and accoutrements, we were guessing that the female reception was in the $75,000 to $85,000 USD range. And the groom’s mother is responsible for paying for the wedding!

I’m the most sad that I couldn’t take any pictures because I felt like I was surrounded by the animal equivalent of macaw parrots – and I don’t think I can do it nearly enough justice for how elaborate it all was. We will add some pictures of male weddings soon, since they are just on the side of the road. At least you will be able to see the male set up, even if you don’t see the sword dances or roasted camel! :)